The Moment my Precious Son went to Heaven

I will never forget the second, the minute that Alex chose to go home to Heaven and be with God, the Angels and other spirits.   This moment was when a part of my soul left with him to Heaven and it marked the beginning of a Spiritual Journey.  Life would never be the same, yet I now wish I embarked on this Journey long  before Alex was in a crisis.

In loving memory of my son, Alex.

In loving memory of my son, Alex.

 

Part of me believes that what I know now could have saved his life but I didn’t learn these lessons until after he was gone.  Stuart and I were with him by his side for days praying and hoping that Alex would come back to us from the coma that he was in.  He was surrounded by all his friends and family praying for his recovery.   Both his day shift nurse and night shift nurse gently tried to prepare us for what they thought was Alex’s inevitable outcome.  Stuart and I tried to ignore them initially in order to hold out for hope with our faith and prayers.  Something that Lindsey, Alex’s nurse, said to us resonated with me, although not at first.  She said,

“The miracle is not in all these machines that are keeping Alex alive.  The miracle is in the time you, your family and friends are getting to speak with Alex to say your goodbyes and tell him how much he means to you. Most people leave this world without warning and are gone instantly.  Alex gave you the gift of time to say goodbye and to have closure.  He will be with you forever helping you through your mourning and guiding you throughout your lives.”

That night, midnight, Tuesday morning, Alex’s Godmother, Janet, woke up and something inexplicable was making her get dressed, go to the hotel lobby to hail a taxi and go to the hospital to see Alex.  Janet is not extremely religious or spiritual but she felt compelled to talk to me.  She said she had a dream where she was telling Alex that although it would be great if he came back to us, it’s okay if he chooses to go.  It struck me like lightning and I agreed, we had to tell Stuart and all three of us should tell Alex.  Stuart agreed and all three of us surrounded Alex’s head and spoke to him and told him;

“We love you Alex!  Although we want you to stay, it’s okay if you decide to go to Heaven! It’s okay!  We forgive you for going so early and we aren’t mad – we just love you so much and want you to be at peace!”

Janet went back to the hotel and Stuart laid down on a cot in Alex’s room.  I held Alex’s hand as I laid on a reclining chair next to Alex.  I must have fallen asleep because I dreamed that Alex was standing in front of me and he was smiling and he looked more happy, healthy and joyful than ever.  I woke up with a start and the first thing I did, as I always did, was look at him and check all the numbers on the life saving equipment.  He looked different, more peaceful and the numbers had changed.  I immediately went to the nurse and she confirmed that I was correct that he had gone home at around 2:30 in the morning.

 

2 thoughts on “The Moment my Precious Son went to Heaven

  1. Julia…

    A fellow nurse sent me your blog posting that highlights a bit of your last days with your baby…

    It brings me back to all the emotions I felt as a bystander sharing in your grief and living that experience as his, and your family’s, nurse…

    I don’t even really know what to say except that I am honoured that any of what I may have said has helped you, even a bit, find the peace that surpasses all understanding…

    I think of your family often and I hope that you are finding some semblance of a new normal and know that Alex, although not here physically, is not gone and most definitely not forgotten.

    Hugs to you and yours…

    Lindsey Jansen

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  2. I am so sad for your loss of Alex..in the physical sense, but I do know his spirit is with God and he is now in a heavenly peace that only God can give. I pray for your peace, as well. I, too, have a son in heaven who passed away from suicide five years ago. Blessings ~

    Like

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