I will always celebrate my son’s birthday. I believe that my life has been enriched by having him. Even though we did not have him long enough, at least we had him. I loved him every day when he was in the physical world. I still love him every day.
Those of us left behind continue to feel the loss. But wherever he exists….and I know he still lives in spirit. I will continue to reach out to him and send him my love. Lately I have been receiving signs that he is well and his soul is safe and shining happily in peace. I want him to know that we will be all right. My intuition, heart and soul knows that he is doing important work – helping others in this world and in heaven.
I release that which is mine to release. And life is often about letting go of your children. You have to let them go so they can walk on their own. You have to let them go so they can drive when the time comes. You have to let them go when they go off to college or move away to marry.
I just never thought I would have to let go of Alex so soon. I cannot change what happened. I can only hope that my journey is one of healing and peace.
Each moment is a fresh starting place. Each day is a piece in the puzzle that is my life. I almost feel guilty that I am beginning to hope.
At first there was disbelief…then anger. My husband was angry at Alex for a time. I was angry at myself and maybe for a while at God. Because I couldn’t save him. Because God didn’t save him.
Then the days of numbness and grief began to roll through my life. Now I am starting to try and work through the pain to get to the other side. I want to give meaning to Alex’s brief, but oh so bright life. I want to celebrate his life, not how it ended.
So I am trying to let go of my son. Or maybe I’m really trying to let go of the despair and the darkness of losing him loss. But I will never let go of the love and the joy of having him.
Happy 20th Birthday, Alex with much love from your mom, dad, Emily, family and friends.